


Whose Kiss?

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, New Years, New Years Eve, New Years kiss, jily, nye kiss, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 19:04:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10725327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: "He knows he shouldn’t have been such an idiot these past few years. Shouldn’t have avoided his feelings. Shouldn’t have buried them deep inside himself out of fear. He knows he wouldn’t be here if he had just spoken to Remus"





	Whose Kiss?

**Author's Note:**

> NYE inspired fic because Wolfstar on New Years? Jealous Sirius? What more could I ever want.
> 
> Enjoy.

  * He had been staring around the room all night
  * Glass in hand
  * Blowing his messy curls from his face
  * Rolling back his shoulders to adjust his jacket
  * To release the winding tension there
  * Mingling from conversation to conversation with wide eyes
  * He was trying to find _him_
  * Whoever him was exactly
  * This unfortunate invitee
  * This man that Lily apparently thought should be in attendance 
  * The one she designated as Remus’ soon-to-be New Years’ **kiss**
  * She had giggled when the word kiss slipped through her lips
  * And even more when Sirius had seemingly gotten riled up
  * His fists balled
  * His eyes bulging
  * ‘You’ve invited someone to this party just to be Remus’ kiss when the clock strikes midnight?’
  * He had tried not to sound startled 
  * Or flustered
  * Or angry even
  * But he could hear all of it in the way he struggled to swallow the gulp of coffee he had taken
  * In the way his throat choked on the words
  * In the way the words **burned** more than the coffee ever could ****
  * Because his head was picturing things he didn’t want to picture
  * Things he had _never_ wanted to picture
  * A dark night
  * A room warm and filled with people
  * He would be there
  * Standing across a crowd as the clock counted down
  * Searching, almost frantically, for that lean frame
  * Only to find Remus’ golden locks just as the clock ran out
  * Hearing the cheers and the yells fall away
  * Watching in slow motion as the confetti drifted down to the floor around him
  * Because he could feel his heart plummeting 
  * Because Remus wasn’t standing with him in this new vision
  * Remus was wrapped around some faceless bloke
  * Arms languidly slung across shoulders
  * Their lips moving together smoothly
  * And Sirius’ heart was snapping like a twig
  * Because Remus wasn’t thinking about him
  * Because Remus felt a million miles away 
  * Because that should be **him**
  * He knows he shouldn’t have been such an idiot these past few years
  * Shouldn’t have avoided his feelings
  * Shouldn’t have buried them deep inside himself out of fear 
  * He knows he wouldn’t be here if he had just spoken to Remus
  * Wouldn’t be having these stomach clenching, heart pounding visions that had made him determined to find this guy
  * _Find him and kill him_
  * Lily had described as ‘incredibly daft but handsome’ 
  * Those were the particular words she used
  * And of course he pestered her for more than that because that meant nothing
  * And yet she never caved
  * Unfortunately she had learned his manipulative and charming ways
  * That smug smirk and twinkling look in her eye showing just how immune she was
  * Sirius wanted to **scream**
  * ‘You already know who it is Sirius, stop asking’
  * He could barely hear her rambling about the party after that
  * Because she had changed the subject to drinks and food and invitations
  * And she refused to give him a name
  * Or a physical description
  * She had just laughed instead 
  * And waved him away
  * But he couldn’t stop his mind
  * Couldn’t stop himself from mentally exiting the conversation with Lily to list every person he ever knew
  * Any memory of Lily trying to set Remus up
  * Any man he’d watched hit on Remus at the countless selection of bars they frequented
  * Ones who had slipped Remus their number
  * Who had irritatingly winked and flirted and stumbled away
  * With their hands grazing his lower back or his hand 
  * And their eyes fawning over his frame
  * A few winks and bottom lips pulled in by teeth 
  * The thought alone made Sirius Black one anxious, riled up mess
  * But usually in the bars he had it under control
  * Would disappear into the crowd just to get away from it
  * Go off somewhere and be too intoxicated to overreact
  * But right now he was sober 
  * Sober and reeling from the slap Lily had basically delivered
  * Which meant his only other alternative was to pester the rest of his friends
  * He had spent weeks trying to pull it from James
  * Even from Peter
  * But they both had rolled their eyes
  * ‘If Lily won’t tell you what makes you think she’s told us’
  * That had led him to Remus
  * An attempt at a sly conversation
  * Something subtle 
  * But of course Sirius had just blurted it out one day as they sat on the couch
  * Their legs intertwined
  * They backs against opposite couch arms
  * ‘Who do you plan to kiss on New Years Rem?’
  * And Remus had spat his tea out as though it burned on his tongue
  * A heavy blush spreading across his face at the same moment
  * His nose buried much further into his book
  * ‘W-who knows Pads’
  * And now he was stumped
  * Daft but handsome
  * _Daft but handsome_
  * Who was this prat they thought was better for Moons than him?
  * **Than him** …
  * Sirius groaned 
  * He had always hoped as they got older something would happen 
  * An accident of sorts that would push them into each other’s arms
  * Or each other’s lips
  * _Or each other’s beds_
  * Preferably all of the above
  * Anything so that they wouldn’t have to have the conversation he imagined they’d have to have
  * The awkward one
  * _The one that could backfire_
  * He wanted it to be organic
  * And romantic
  * And all at the right time
  * But nothing ever seemed right 
  * _Ever felt right_
  * Not with the war and the wedding 
  * And the baby
  * He felt tongue tied and apprehensive more than filled to the brim with butterflies like he thought he should feel
  * He was so young
  * So ready to be his reckless Hogwarts self
  * Stumbling home drunk without a care
  * And a new tattoo
  * And a Remus on his arm holding him up
  * And laughing as they entered their flat
  * And _maybe_ Sirius would stumble
  * And _maybe_  bring Remus to the floor with him
  * The alcohol blurring the line between friendship and lover for just a moment
  * For just long enough that Sirius would kiss him
  * _Finally_ feel him
  * End this agony that had them dancing around one another
  * But that felt like a lifetime ago
  * Another universe 
  * A parallel one where there was no prophecy
  * Or mass murderer
  * Or psychotic family out to get him 
  * Just the five of them and their soon to be sixth 
  * Living their carefree lives
  * Holidays were just a glimpse into that world
  * New Years’ particularly
  * Because they could drink and laugh
  * And pray the new year brought something good, something happy
  * Even if it didn’t
  * They could pretend
  * And they could be just as reckless as Sirius imagined
  * Drink whatever they wanted
  * **Kiss** whomever they wanted
  * Even if whomever they wanted wasn’t who they were being pushed to kiss
  * _It should be me_
  * _It’s going to be me_
  * Sirius was resolute
  * So he continued to survey the party
  * His eyes darting from pairing to pairing 
  * Until his eyes caught Remus’ golden curls again
  * Just like in his vision
  * But the familiar face of Dirk Cresswell laughing in a corner came into view
  * His stomach completely flipped 
  * Dirk was a year older and his dark brown hair looked like it had been coated in a thick gel substance
  * Sirius thought it looked like he’d had his head flushed down a toilet 
  * But he couldn’t deny that his new found height and angled jaw gave him a much stronger appeal than when they were younger
  * The bloke was, unfortunately for Sirius, _handsome_
  * And even though he had a weird proficiency for Gobbledegook 
  * And Slughorn had taken a strange liking to him 
  * The man had a knack for being rather foolish when they were younger
  * So all Sirius could think of was the two words that had been haunting his evening
  * _Really Lily?_
  * _You think this guy is the best option for Remus?_
  * With a nearly empty glass in his hand Sirius made his way across the room
  * The air around him felt electric as he approached because he was positively fuming at the look in Dirk’s eye
  * The greedy one that Sirius had seen so many times before when blokes had spotted the obscenely handsome Remus Lupin
  * _His_ Remus Lupin
  * ‘Ah Cresswell! Didn’t know you would be in attendance at this.’
  * Sirius nearly knocked Remus’ glass out of his hand as he came up beside him
  * The liquid sloshing to the floor
  * Something washed over Dirk’s face the moment they caught eyes
  * And Sirius could have sworn it was fear
  * It made him feel all the more powerful
  * ‘I haven’t seen you since the prank. You remember the one? Third year? Or was it fourth?’
  * Sirius could see the blush on Dirk’s cheeks and the way he gripped his glass much tighter than before
  * Remus could tell too obviously because he quickly went from cleaning the spilt drink to shooting his two cents in
  * ‘Sirius we don’t need to rehash-’
  * ‘Oh shush up Rem! You remember don’t you Cresswell?’
  * He could see Dirk gritting his jaw now
  * ‘Yes Sirius, _quite_ fondly’
  * Sirius was trying to play it coy, even attempting to feign his sobriety
  * ‘We had a right laugh didn’t we Rem, I mean it was a total accident but merlin how long did you wear that scarf again? You couldn’t eat anything yellow for weeks! Oh and that cheer everyone would yell! Every time I saw you I nearly burst!’
  * Dirk’s cheeks had gone a deep maroon colour the longer Sirius spoke
  * And Sirius could feel the stiffening in Remus’ arm as he leaned against it
  * ‘Yeah, accident.’
  * Dirk’s eyes drifted back to Remus
  * ‘Well I best go say hello to Lily. Pleasure speaking with you Remus. Sirius.’
  * The words slipping through his lips felt forced
  * His face a flaming red and his jaw so stern Sirius thought Dirk might punch him right then and there
  * Sirius had obviously hit the right nerve
  * ‘Yes lovely seeing you. We should catch up soon.’
  * Sirius waved him off
  * _Crisis averted_
  * He turned back to catch Remus’ eyes
  * A smug look on his face
  * But before he knew it there was a hand wrapped rather painfully tight around his forearm dragging him out of the room
  * ‘Remus what in-’
  * Sirius could feel his arm practically popping out of its socket
  * He was ricocheting off people as Remus dragged him onward
  * He didn’t speak until they were outside
  * Snow was falling from the sky in heavy waves
  * And his jumper was no where near enough coverage for the feel of cold air numbing his skin
  * ‘Remus’
  * ‘What is your fucking issue?’
  * Sirius stood stock still
  * The cold air was whipping around him causing a shiver to run up his spine
  * But what he was focused on was Remus
  * The numbness of his skin seemed to melt away at the realization that Remus was completely and utterly pissed ****
  * ‘I don’t know what your problem with Cresswell is but he didn’t deserve whatever the hell that was’
  * Remus was **fuming**
  * Sirius could tell by the change in his eyes
  * That beautiful amber was a searing gold 
  * His voice stayed steady
  * And his mouth was sternly set
  * It was all the more frightening that Remus was forcing himself to stay controlled rather than kicking and screaming 
  * ‘You made yourself, and me for that matter, look like complete prats who haven’t moved on from those childish school pranks. I hope you’re happy with whatever you were trying to accomplish you berk!’
  * Sirius had been staring at the ground prepared to get the type of tongue lashing he absolutely did not want
  * But the last few words out of Remus’ mouth took him by surprise
  * ‘Trying to accomplish?’
  * Remus turned back to look at him
  * ‘I’m not some idiot Sirius-’
  * Sirius’ eyes bulged
  * ‘I never said you were! I’m sorry Rem-’
  * Remus took a step closer, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans as if he was trying not to wrap them around Sirius’ throat
  * ‘Shove the apology up your arse Sirius. I know when you’re trying to pull something. What was it this time? Have a bet of some sort?’
  * Remus’ voice was slicing through him like a dagger
  * Each new question another shove into his skin
  * ‘Of course not what would I even bet on!’
  * ‘Oh I don’t know. How fast can I get the only guy interested in Moony here out? How fast can I make him as uncomfortable as possible?’
  * Sirius was flabbergasted
  * Remus had ripped his hands from his pockets and pushed Sirius back by his shoulders as he spoke
  * Sirius let himself stumble
  * His back hitting the glass doors rather quickly, and harshly
  * His plan had completely backfired 
  * ‘He wasn’t the only guy!’
  * ‘Oh sod off Pads, look at me. No one in their right mind would want-’
  * Sirius surged forward and Remus lifted his hand to stop him
  * Planting it firmly on his chest
  * ‘Then I’m never in my right mind!’
  * Remus stopped
  * And Sirius’ voice sounded like it was still ringing through the air
  * His hand turning from solid to slack against Sirius’ chest
  * His eyes, now their usual amber colour again, widening 
  * His lips slightly parting 
  * His brows together in confusion
  * ‘What?’
  * Sirius took a deep breath 
  * ‘You said no one in their right mind would want you’
  * Sirius brought his hand up to cover the one Remus had placed on his chest
  * Sure that Remus could feel his heart slamming into the wall of his chest 
  * His eyes were glued to the look of shock on his face
  * ‘And we both know I’m never in my right mind’
  * ‘Sirius-’
  * Sirius let out of a soft laugh
  * And then the words came off his tongue so easily it was like breathing
  * _This is the moment_
  * ‘Surely you know Moons’
  * Remus was chewing on his lower lip 
  * **‘I want you’**
  * Remus’ cheeks turned a light shade of pink almost instantly
  * And his eyes were hurriedly searching Sirius’ face as though this were some joke
  * As if any inkling he ever had, ever doubted, had just been proven right and he couldn’t believe it
  * ‘You …’
  * **‘I’ve always wanted you’**
  * He brought his other hand to brace Remus’ cheek
  * His thumb running across the few freckles there
  * ‘I’m sorry about Cresswell. But when Lily told me she invited someone to kiss you …
  * ‘Invited someone to kiss me?’
  * ‘… and then I lost you and then you were there with him and I- well I just lost it. He was looking at you like- and then the thought of watching him- His hands, your mouth - I just couldn’t Rem. I’m sorry but I- it’s just- yeah it was stupid but I panicked.’ 
  * Sirius’ eyes fluttered to the ground
  * His cheeks were burning now
  * And his chest was tight
  * Because all Remus was doing was looking at him
  * Looking at him and saying _absolutely nothing_
  * Until his hand was lifting Sirius’ chin
  * And he was stepping closer
  * His voice so low it felt like he was speaking only for Sirius to hear
  * ‘ _Pads’_
  * And then Remus’ lips were softly pressed against his
  * And Sirius’ felt like all the air in his lungs had been knocked out of him
  * It was happening
  * That moment he had been hoping for
  * It was here
  * And it brought Remus with it
  * Sirius couldn’t help himself
  * Remus’ hand stayed on his chest
  * But Sirius intertwined their other hands as his free one moved to run through the back of Remus’ curls
  * Deeping their kiss with the soft pull of his head and the step forward he took
  * Their lips moved gently over one another
  * Sirius could feel Remus’ heart thundering in time with his own
  * And he was melting into it
  * When they pulled back gently 
  * Their foreheads resting together
  * Remus spoke
  * ‘You’re a complete moron’
  * Sirius huffed out a laugh as Remus continued
  * ‘But I sort of hoped for this. I don’t think I would have wanted to ring in the new year any other way’
  * Sirius couldn’t stop the smile that those words brought 
  * Because looking at Remus was always like coming home
  * And now it was like all those years of pushing himself to do this
  * To let his walls fall away were worth all the more 
  * He could feel this glow radiating from his skin 
  * It felt like they were off in their own little world instead of outside Lily’s party
  * Sure to get colds from the low temperature and the falling snow
  * Remus’ hand was bunched up in Sirius’ t-shirt
  * He was pulling him closer
  * _If that were even possible_
  * ‘How about next time you get all jealous you just pin me up against a wall like a normal person instead of almost getting knocked on your ass yeah?’ 
  * Sirius couldn’t help the laughter that erupted as Remus nuzzled against his neck
  * ‘I wouldn’t have gotten knocked-’
  * And Remus was bringing a finger to his lips
  * A look in his eye that told Sirius he had pushed enough for one night
  * ‘I can **gladly**  do that’
  * It came out like a whisper
  * He could feel Remus’ smile as he pressed their lips together again
  * As their arms wrapped around each other
  * As the party inside screamed the countdown
  * It was definitely going to be a happy new year



* * *

  * From inside
  * Where the windows had barely frosted over
  * And their snogging could easily be seen
  * Was a champagne drunk James with his arm wrapped around Lily’s protruding belly
  * One hand rubbing circles over and over again
  * One of the fastest ways to quiet their rambunctious little one
  * ‘Daft but handsome? S’what you told him?’
  * James words came out between hiccups and snickering
  * ‘Of course. It worked didn’t it. The prat actually thought I meant someone other than him as if I haven’t been watching the two of them _pine_ over each other for the last million years’
  * James tightened his hold around Lily
  * His palms flattening against her belly
  * His lips pressed into the curve where her shoulder met her neck
  * His words barely a murmur as his lips danced over her skin
  * ‘M’so in love with you’



**Author's Note:**

> http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/155153640107/whose-kiss


End file.
